Weekly for April 30, 1999. May monthly.

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That thing in the sky (and in your mind) is the Scorpio Full Moon...

ARIES (March 21-April 19)
I'm one of those people who smells people. I might have been a beagle in some recent past life, but it seems natural to run up to folks, sniff their crotch and sometimes even lick their hand. I suggest you adopt some version of the Dog as your totem for about the next five or six weeks, doing the Pooch Review on everyone. If you do, the voice of a puppy will whisper in your ear the secret intentions of whomever you meet, though your first impressions alone will tell you everything you need to know. (Special assignment, unrelated to dogs: Sit naked in front of a mirror in a dark room for one hour, and write down whatever the shadows tell you.)

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
There's something in the human spirit that takes authority, and something that loves to submit to authority and leader-worship. But as we enter another age of human consciousness, this is one trip we're going to need to get beyond. Indeed, there are far better roads to leadership, and you are, at the moment, blessed with them being available to you. Sometimes you have to get things done without actually taking command; sometimes you just have to take over and quietly organize your mission or project around your opposition, while giving the people who think they are in charge the impression that they surely are. If you pay attention, you'll make no enemies, and get everything done.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)
In the past 24 hours I've spoken with two clients about their "Slut vs. Nun Complex." A supposed struggle between two aspects of the feminine, the alleged virgin, and the alleged whore, it drives some women to the heights of madness trying to resolve which they really are; which is more divine. Dig this: you have many other options. The Slut-Nun complex is just the adult version of a line told to many kids ­ the one that says either you're absolutely chaste and pure, or you're dirt. It's a blatant, scalding lie. In reality, sluts are merely the people who admit they like sex, and thus threaten the people who feel they must repress themselves. As for all the the nuns in the reading audience -- this is a survey. Do you masturbate?

CANCER (June 21-July 22)
This would be a good month to live alone. In fact, it would be a good couple of months to live alone, though that's not always possible. So you'll need to take some extra care that you and the cohabitants of your dwelling get along. Grease the wheels; do the dishes; take time alone; get out of the house as much as possible. But I see something else in the charts, a starry reminder to tell you to make sure that everyone who crawls into your bed really wants to be there, and to make sure you really want them there. If it works out that you do, then some truly delightfully interesting sexual experiments are yours for the indulging.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)
Someday, I'm going to write a brilliant article called "Little Bongo As An American Literary Hero." Little Bongo, whom I believe is a Leo -- he would pretty much have to be -- is the one-eared bunny from the "Life in Hell" cartoon by Matt Groening. Bongo evolved into Bart Simpson, but before doing so, he endured the bullies in the neighborhood, the mean dogs, the psycho teachers who bound-and-gagged him when he made up his own version of the Pledge, and he refused to say a single word to the school psychologist. He persevered, and so have you. But it's now time to give up your fear that so much hangs in the balance -- even though it does -- and conquer the world in your own sweet way.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sep. 22)
When life really starts to happen, sometimes it seems to get ahead of us, to move faster than we can integrate, comprehend or even notice the experiences consciously. You are now moving into a much better state of mind to process the extraordinary emotional journey of the past few months, and return to your own space after so much pressure to redefine yourself as being synonymous with the entire world around you. In truth, it is not clear where a human being begins and the "outer environment" ends, and you've surely been walking this particular line. But it's true enough that you are not the whole universe, and nor would you want to be.

LIBRA (Sep. 23-Oct. 22)
In the simultaneous quest for sex, and its peculiar counterpart, security, men and women can play evil games with one another, and my suggestion for you this month is to become an expert at this aspect of sociology. Consider how so many men find it necessary to shrink themselves down to neutered imps in the presence of women, trying to convince them they're not like all the other guys, who just want sex. And consider the sinister games so many women play: how many times have you offered (or made available) sex just because you wanted sex, and not for ten other unspoken reasons? Has anyone told you that it is possible to escape from this hell? Do it for yourself, but I guarantee, it will help everyone around you.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 22)
There is an interesting dance occurring in the sky between the two warrior planets -- Mars (the original Scorpio planet) and Chiron (associated with healing and higher consciousness). To me it looks like this: A whole new set of instincts are now with you. Your old fears and frustrations, especially those you were given by others during childhood, are in retreat, in a sense, going back to where they came from. And a new form of intelligence has come into being: a gift for focussing your awareness where it really matters, and for taking into account the facts of which you are aware. And there is something else, and the only words I have for it are *collective soul*.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23-Dec. 21)
This particular cosmic exercise may be a while in coming -- very likely toward the end of May, though events of the month will be very revealing. The theme involves your unexpressed feelings, how they fuel your attempts to control other people (which is impossible). What I am saying is that not saying how you really feel is totally manipulative. Your life is too good right now, you have too many reasons for happiness, to get caught in such de-evolutionary games, or to become the victim of your own (theoretically) subconscious motives. If you have something to say, say it. If you want something, ask for it. If you're feeling lonely, pick up the telephone. Just be you. Don't worry.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Not all problems can be solved by money. Money can be very useful, but it is utterly useless without ideas to back it up. isn't it amazing that virtually any crisis, difficulty, struggle or puzzle can be solved with a single thought? In case you are trying to work something like this out (and people may be depending upon you to do so) here is the formula that will work for any difficulty this month. Consider your problem, any problem, and imagine that a mom and a small child (about five years old) are working on solving it together. There are some suggestions the mom has, and others that the child has, but between them they see the whole situation, and poof, the solution appears.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 19-Feb. 18)
Some big, BIG planets are now working on many revisions to your life, but the most mysterious of them is Neptune. Few astrologers have commented on the idea that an ocean-planet 400 times the size of Earth is moving through the sign of the Water-Bearer. This process is about eroding the negative energy patterns and thought-forms that have kept your mind locked into its routines over the years. You may feel overwhelmed, you may feel flooded with feelings, information, strangeness, dreams and perceptions you are questioning -- all of which are important parts of the process, psychic tricks, to get you to consider your whole reality not just another way, but many different ways.

PISCES (Feb. 19-Mar. 20)
I read recently that if a person invested a dollar a day in the stock market, they would be a multimillionaire by age 65; someone who invests a dollar a day in the lottery will have $400 by the same age. Both forms of investment involve risk, but the risk is fully calculated. This is how you need to think now; the long-term, meaning one to five years, is the vital process to involve yourself with. You are in an important period of establishing yourself, working through questions and creating the setup for something much more important than it may now seem, though something which will surely come to pass. As I have often said, take notes. Have fun. Pay attention.

There are many viewpoints in astrology, and I want to take this space this week to endorse the horoscope writers whose contributions to the field I feel are are indispensable. Rob Brezsny has done his part not only to turn astrology into a literary art, but into an exercise in 24-hour-a-day optimism. Jonathan Cainer of the London Daily Mail is a first-rate philosopher, whose compassion and clear mind contribute to the lives of millions of people every day. And Sally Brompton, in the London Sunday Mail, TV Guide, and the New York Post, is one of those Mayan Daykeepers, a High Priestess of the human calendar, hiding out in the stars. Know of any others? Please let me know.

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