Always Playing Cat and Mouse

 

June 23, 2006 (with chart)

 

http://cainer.com/ericfrancis/june23.html

 

Hi Eric,

 

I have been reading Planet Waves for years and I think your articles and photography make it a great site. I always look forward to reading it. I've had a string of men in my life, but it seems that I am always playing cat and mouse. Do you think my numerous Aries planets and Sun in Taurus are causing me to just enjoy the chase but never have a mutual bonding for better or worse? I realize you have thousands of letters but I just thought I'd give it a try hoping to gain more insight into my quest for happiness with a partner. Thanks.

 

Roseann

 

 

Dear Roseann:

 

We have all had a string of men and/or women in our lives. By the original definition of monogamy -- one partner for life -- there is no such thing any more. So, I suggest you let yourself of the hook for not being monogamous. We are, just about, all polyamorous. Some of us are serially polyamorous (series of partners), and others are concurrently polyamorous (more than one partner at once). But society still extols a virtue on what it terms monogamy, and this puts people under a lot of pressure to conform to something that basically does not exist in a clearly definable way we can all agree on.

 

While I am on my soapbox, I have another speech to make, one that I've been saving up for a long time. Here it is.

 

We live in a time of enormous change. There is no standard model of family. There is no accepted model of relationship, and we live in a time when we have enormous mental freedom, and physical freedom, to do basically whatever we want. We have infinite options and possibilities.

 

And, at the same time, we are under enormous pressure to grow and become individuals, a fact often at odds with maintaining stable relationships. One's relationship with oneself can take high priority in time of growth, evolution and inner progress. Healing can necessitate so much change that it's difficult to hold a structured emotional partnership together. In essence, many people have an urgent commitment to fulfill to themselves, which makes any form of conventionally sanctioned relationship difficult or impossible to sustain.

 

This is one possible reason why some of the most interesting, ethical, attractive, intelligent people do not or cannot have partners (again, in the conventional sense of the word) at this time. I believe that for many people this is based on a deep necessity, and the only way that these individuals can do the growth work they need is independently. That independence or lack of involvement can take many forms, including the situation you describe. So, before even looking at your chart, I am just here to be a spokesperson for the evolutionary necessities of the 21st century and suggest you let yourself off the hook.

 

This being said, I think that within the great majority of evolutionary states, there is room for the kind of relationship we need, or ways for us to get the kind of companionship and human nourishment that we need.

 

Now, as for your chart, which will hopefully give us a few clues. Here it is:

 

Okay, this is one I could write about 5,000 words on. It is a very interesting relationship chart. But I'm going to do my best to be salient, and to point out what seems to be a paradox that recurs several times, in different ways.

 

You have a number of conditions in this chart that make you something of a bold individualist. Certainly the Moon, Mercury, Venus, Ceres and Jupiter in Aries all add up to a whole lot of Aries -- a heck of a whole lot, and Aries is the sign of I AM. Leo rising is quite individualistic as well. Taurus Sun is extra points.

 

You are here to be you, to exert your will, and nothing is going to stop you from being you. There is no point trying. Easy enough astrology to grasp. But this rules out most forms of relationship where individuality is not necessarily prized as a virtue.

 

This whole stellium is opposed by two planets: Neptune and Saturn, about to make a momentous conjunction (all conjunctions, squares and oppositions of Saturn and Neptune are momentous, and change the course of history). Opposition energy pushes us to meet people and situations face-on. It is the most direct aspect.

 

Saturn and Neptune are, for sure, forces to be reckoned with -- and not so easy ones to have in opposition to personal planets. It's as if your personality, your individual nature, is always confronted by huge forces and influences far outside your individual comprehension. In many ways you seem equal to who and what you confront -- but then somehow it's daunting and the experience leaves you feeling alone.

 

But the main gist of this aspect structure is a simultaneous pull to be in a relationship, and to be an individual. And this is the seeming paradox.

 

It shows up again with the lunar nodes. The North Node is in the 7th house, which is one of the most compelling forces for 'must be in a relationship'. This is contrasted with the load of Aries and Leo which says, 'Must be an individual'. Again, that same tension.

 

We can even see it in the sign ascending (sense of identity, Leo, individualism) as contrasted with the setting sign (sense of relationship, Aquarius, strong group consciousness).

 

Here is what it all adds up to. You need relationships, and you are unusually compelled to have relationships, and at the same time, you are a strong individual -- and you need to do them very differently than the world suggests is acceptable or even possible. I'm going to take an educated guess that what you are describing as 'cat and mouse' is a situation where you are seeking this new quality or paradigm of relating.

 

But there is no set definition of this; there are no rules; it's almost like you're caught in a dimension between the two. Many people are. And this can look and feel dysfunctional.

 

It's not easy to need to make your own way so boldly, to be so original, and to do what is rarely ever done, though often dreamed of: be a strong individual and at the same time, equal to others. You are, at least, as far along as not being able to do it the old way. The old games don't work for you; the old expectations are not providing you with any opportunities.

 

So, you need to be very honest with yourself about what you want, including the ways in which those desires contradict. Then, you need to be honest with people around you, no mater how unpopular that may be. Aspects in your chart that speak of hesitation and emotional insecurity (in particular, Mars Rx in Scorpio close to your 4th house) can be overcome by being honest, particularly about desire.

 

Particularly about desire!

 

Then, when you start to get what you want, notice how you respond. Do you accept it? Do you hesitate? If you are in patterns, really do your best to notice the patterns, and then to create ways to cultivate new ones.

 

Whatever you do, keep trying, keep relating, and be as bold as you can be, and you will keep growing into love. But most, most, most of all -- be yourself.