Astrology Secrets Revealed by ERIC FRANCIS

Forgiveness and Friends: Reader Responses to Eloisa


May 5, 2006


Dear Eric


Regarding the reader Eloisa: I've been through similar situations with friends and what it comes down to for me is not so much the forgiveness part, because I can eventually do that, although it may take awhile, but for me it comes down to trust. It's very hard for me to trust someone again, so the relationship is never the same.





Dear Eric


I wanted to respond to the reader Eloisa from Miami regarding forgiveness. People might say that I have more reasons then most to not be forgiving. I have been a victim of a couple of violent crimes and have lost three friends and a cousin to murder (all separate events) but I also have come to a unique understanding about the nature of forgiveness. I believe you can forgive anyone anything.


Controversial? Yes, very. But let me explain. I believe that when you can't forgive someone you carry with you the hurt, pain or evil that they have inflicted upon you. Whether it anger regurgitating inside or pain adding a lead weight to your soul that has physical, emotional and spiritual ramifications. When I say you can forgive anyone anything, I don't mean that you forget because you will never forget but you can let the baggage go and say "No" to further victimization.


It doesn't happen overnight. It can be a very long process but you can forgive even the worst act if you realize that carrying it with you will do more harm then good. You are essentially saying "I allow you to continually hurt me." Who wants to carry a little bit of evil with you? When saying "I forgive you", you are really just saying "I let you go so I have more room for joy in my life." I like to think of it as pushing it out of my DNA. Anyway, it is a very personal topic and I am sure more readers will have more to say on the subject.




Belflower, Ca



Dear Eloisa


Congratulations on getting through your Saturn Return! You sound like someone who is extremely conscious of their own actions and takes responsibility for them as well. It's unfortunate that sometimes people perceive a willingness to bend to life's lessons as a weakness or vulnerability. It may, in fact, be a vulnerability of sorts but ironically, it is a great strength, not a weakness. I have tended to be a bit "overly responsible", which is a nice way of saying that sometimes I am a doormat for people.


As I've gotten older (I'm the ripe old age of 40), I've gotten much more comfortable with the idea that my only job is to be the best person I can be (thank God - and one of the perks of the years passing by). With that, the realization has come that I not only am not obligated to be responsible for other people's behavior, it's really not possible. It's delaying the inevitable for both parties - we all have our own lessons to learn, paths to follow, etc. You need to be responsible for your own personal, healthy boundaries, which I think you have done in an exemplary way, AND others need to be responsible for their own behavior. That doesn't make you a "bad" human being or someone who is unforgiving.


Quite the contrary. If every person on this planet took responsibility for themselves, can you imagine how peaceful this place would be? Your friend is trying to pass the buck. If you still aren't sure, reverse the situation. Would you behave that way toward a friend, or a stranger for that matter? I don't know you personally, but I suspect not. All of us are blind to our faults, at least to a certain degree. And hopefully we can have empathy and find forgiveness for the people who hurt us, just as we would want the same. But finding forgiveness and putting ourselves in a situation to be treated unfairly (repeatedly) are two very different things.


I think your response to her was completely appropriate and what any emotionally responsible, healthy person would say. So stop doubting yourself and good for you! I was watching a biography on Cher once (who I think is one of the most honest, cool people on the planet) and the interviewer asked her about her relationship with Sonny, and why she ultimately left their marriage. Her response made so much sense to me, and I hope it helps you. She said, "It's sad and it hurts, but sometimes we just have to leave people behind." Thanks for letting me share, and good luck.