E.T. Phones Home
February 3, 2006
http://cainer.com/ericfrancis/feb3.html
Dear Eric,
Thank you very much for your answer to my question (see
"Selling Miracles," Astrology Secrets Revealed from January 20,
2006).
It made me laugh and cry. I think it really is more about my
own issues than anything. What you said, was what I suspected myself, in some
corner of my mind, but after years of dealing intensely with many issues in
relation to my parents, I am feeling guilty for all the time it's taking to
'recover' and ashamed of how deeply affected I have been.
My father was extremely abusive in every possible way, and
is still very untrustworthy. I have gone A.W.O.L., 'cos I can't relate to him
in any kind of healthy way, or rather, he can't respond in any
healthy/responsible way to me. That is infuriating, 'cos I still feel connected
to him in a way. I still care about him, and I don't want to abandon him
altogether.
I seem to reject everything connected to him, though,
assuming that it would only hurt me. Being poverty-stricken is probably a
protection, from having to take the risk. I seem to feel overwhelmed at the
thought of being open to helping people, and being paid in return, even though
I crave the independence, freedom, power and sheer joy that this would bring.
Being paid feels like real commitment and presence, and
therefore, vulnerability. I don't want to work as a volunteer anymore. I
suppose I feel fragile in a way, mostly 'cos I seem to be constantly dealing
with people, who don't understand, let alone, appreciate my ethics. I feel like
screaming most of the time! Also, I think few people understand the true depths
of human beings from a psychological/spiritual point of view. There is a point
past which most people won't go, in acknowledging how profoundly connected we
all are, and therefore, how deeply affected we can be, by each other.
I have always had a sense of being a monk/nun in a past life
or several lifetimes, and therefore, rejecting money, 'cos it would make my
connection with 'God' less pure, and my mission in life, i.e. oneness with
'God' or even 'Godliness', impossible. All this seems laughable now, but this
Pope might be getting a letter too! In this lifetime, I am hopefully more
'earthy' and accepting of my humanness, but I think my mistrust of my father is
still holding me back. In the past year, I have felt like I have been turned
inside out i.e., my deepest beliefs and feelings, have been exposed for all to
see. Talk about hellish, but it feels like a preparation, and liberating too.
To give healing on the level I want to, I will have to 'bear my soul' in the
true sense of the word, which is daunting, but I refuse to be a prisoner of
society's boundaries/limitations.
I felt that the email I sent you last was a bit tactless and
defensive, and that you reacted to it instinctively, which threw me a bit, but
felt real at the same time. I was very stressed at the time, there are many
dramas going on at the moment, but hopefully, the worst is over. To ask for
help, feels disempowering to me in a way. I suppose I had doubts about how you
would deal with it, based on past experience of the human race. You don't miss
much! There have been very few people in my life that have seemed to speak the same
language as me.
Best wishes,
E.T.
Dear E.T.
You sound like you're on the path, and like you don't miss
much yourself. As one who is working with others, you mainly need to keep a
higher-than-normal level of self-awareness and I'm pretty sure you're doing a
good job there.
You are correct: being paid raises the level of commitment
for everyone. But it's not mandatory; you are free to waive your fees for
anyone you want. And that does not lower the level of commitment for anyone.
You mention language -- it helps to learn the language of as
many people as possible, so you can understand what they are saying whether
they come to you from the traditional Yoga path, are talking about Atlantis, or
just need your loving attention.
The people come to you for assistance, but there is not one
who will not teach you some core skill about what you are doing. When people
offer themselves sincerely to the assistances of others, this tends to happen
with such precision that it's a beautiful thing to behold.
If indeed you are going to live outside society's boundaries
and limitations, you need to be very well prepared, take care of your own
stuff, be willing to work as much as you need, and be pretty gosh darned
disciplined. As
Please keep me posted as to what you learn. These are
certainly interesting and necessary times to be embarking on your adventure.
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