On Being a Whore
Planet Waves Digital Media | Vancouver, BC
Precision is not an idea that you might associate with prostitution. But at times that is just what a whore, this whore, needs -- to be exact. Because to know exactly how the line on my skirt falls, that my makeup is just right, and just what the state of consciousness of my client is are things that usually save my life.
In other words, I need to keep everything contained. And then at just the right moment, when the spell is cast and he is in my power, when I know he has submitted to my will, my energy and my love, I unleash. I unleash just the exact dose of passion, the exact dose for him and for me.
For me, the exact dose ensures his satisfaction, for my own survival. For him it is two things -- what he needs and what he can handle. Some of his needs are obvious: to feel accepted, to get a hard on, to get a hard off. He needs to release. Other needs like he needs to buy a birthday present for his wife or he needs to take his daughter to dinner and a movie are not so obvious. The only superlative need I have anything to do with is his need to learn to respect a woman. And so I, a whore, for whom he pays cash for sexual favors, the whore on the bottom of society's class list, right down there with drug addicts and thieves, request and require his respect. Only I don't abuse myself with drugs, I am not a criminal and I am giving him the love and acceptance he wants and needs.
What he needs is bottom line. What he can handle is the limit to the amount of intimacy and passion I swell into his dysfunctional being, his hurt and humiliated being. I need to be aware of and sensitive to both the bottom and top of his limits.
Being a whore is a gift. It contains all the things in my life that I have been seeking in a profession for a long time. It is personal, pays well, is high risk, and allows me to give just what I want and have to give.
Being a whore allows me to put to practice all of the skills I have developed over the years in both abusive and loving relationships with men AND be rewarded for my knowledge and wisdom. I get a new education in the fucked up ways of our society (and the key word there is OUR). I am given the opportunity to pass on the virtues of my transformed sexual self and possibly affect the lives of thousands of people: my clients and the women, children and men involved in their lives. Give a little love and it goes round and round.
There are days when I am tired and need a deep rest. There are clients I'd like to cock whip because they are so cut off from their own sensitivity they can't express themselves with a loving touch. There are clients that I wish could see me in a different light, with whom dinner and a movie is truly appealing.
One thing, I don't drool over any of them. And I rarely meet a man I could drool over any more. Being a whore has completely changed the way I view men. And women. How? I see the very reality of a complicated soup of needs, desires, pains, wounds and lost paths on a hard journey home to God.
If you really want to know what's going on with a person, how much they love or don't love themselves, how much anger and pain they are living with, how their circuits are working, be with that person sexually. Don't DO anything to them. BE with them. Pay attention to their responses, how quick are they to undress, how does their body respond to touch, how do they breathe when being touched sexually. Sex brings all the deep intricacies of a person into the present moment. The orgasm brings the joy of being into the present moment. It is saying to you, "Be here now. Experience the ecstasy of life."
Is the person naturally dominant or submissive? Is there an imbalance? Does that require you to play the opposite? All of this info is at my hands for perusal, for understanding, for research.
And then there is the research of me. Being a whore empowers me. Think of it. I decide how much I am paid. I decide what the limitations are with a man. I decide how much I give, what my boundaries are. I get to practice every day. I take my spiritual life into my sessions. I open to my higher self, my Soul self and practice passing the release of his energy through my body to spirit.
I am a co-worker with God, being a conduit for healing and sexual energy. How do I accept my role in an individual's life, in society, in the universal community of Souls? How do I remain detached and healthy? How can I take care of myself today?
All of the other issues of being a whore I've touched upon, yes: the abusive nature of many men who seek out this service, the overbearing and controlling nature of Madams and Pimps, the self-loathing of doing things to another human being for money that I would never otherwise consider, the pain of not being considered worthy of a true lover's embrace.
Still I do the work. I am a strong powerful loving conscious and conscientious human being, a woman who believes that love and care of women, of their children and my own, and that health, healing and education are the very foundation of a creative alive society. Unfortunately the men raised in this patriarchal system (by abused women and abused men) need immense healing themselves. We fit. My needs meet their needs. Sacrificial attitude? Possibly. Am I a sacred whore? Maybe. A holistic sex practitioner -- definitely. ++
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